 |
| Ramadan Parenting Challenge 2014 |
And those who say, “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the coolness of our eyes and make us leaders of the pious.” (Qur’an 25: 74)
A home that provides
the coolness of the eyes is one where there is happiness, joy and tranquility
with the family. There is also refuge and shelter from the storm outside the
family. When our husband comes home from work he expects to find peace, harmony
and a stress-free environment.
A tranquil home is one
where there is a healthy relationship among all of its members. Everyone gets
along. Ask yourself how your relationship with your children, your relationship
with your husband, the children’s relationship with each other and their
relationship with their father is. When there is disharmony in any of the
relationships then there will be discordance.
Let’s look at the two
sources of tranquility that Allah mentioned in the above ayat. One source of a tranquil home is the children. I know it is
hard to maintain our sanity sometimes when the children get into arguments. I
have two boys that interact wonderfully together when they are happy but when
they fight it’s like all out war. It is part of growing up and learning to compromise
but very disruptive and stressful for me and especially for my husband when he
comes home from an already stressful day outside. This is the part of the relationship
between the children that I need to manage.
To handle any
disruptions coming from the children, you need to have a set of parenting tools
or behaviour management system to use. How can you encourage a more loving
relationship between your children? How can you make sure that the children are
on their best behaviour when their father walks in the door?
The other source of a
tranquil home is yourself. When your husband comes home is the first thing you
do is nag at him? Sometimes you do have real concerns that you need to discuss
with him but not as soon as he walks in the door.
I know many a times
that I wanted to burst out and tell my husband what had happened during my day
and it took tremendous effort not to pour it all out. I just need to remind
myself that he is tired and wants to relax first and preferably have some food
inside him as well before he could deal with any problems.
Another place we
mothers tend to nag is to our children. Nagging is quite stressful for everyone
involved: the one being nagged, the one doing the nagging and the one
witnessing and listening to it. I think it’s an inherent thing for women to do
and we must learn to stop it.
To deal with any
disruptions coming from yourself you would need patience: patience with your
children, your husband and yourself. Then you would need to learn active
listening skills. Active listening allows both sides to reflect on what was
said and moderate the responses accordingly. When you use active listening, you
restate what the other person said back to them instead of jumping to
conclusion and accuse and nag. Sometimes reflecting back clears up misunderstandings
that I think is at the basis of most conflicts.
Let this Ramadan be one
where your home is the source of tranquility and comfort for everyone – your
husband, children and yourself. A tranquil home is one where there is a
connection with every member of the household to each other and to Allah. Let
there be love, caring and respect that flows from one to another with the
sounds of joy and the recitation of the Qur’an. For when you read the Qur’an, a
calmness and tranquility descends. Narrated
Al-Bara': A man was reciting Surat Al-Kahf and his horse was tied with two
ropes beside him. A cloud came down and spread over that man, and it kept on
coming closer and closer to him till his horse started jumping (as if afraid of
something). When it was morning, the man came to the Prophet (s), and told him
of that experience. The Prophet (s) said, "That was As-Sakina (tranquility) which descended because of (the recitation of) the Qur'an."
(Bukhari 61: 531)
Challenge for today is
to:
- Ensure a healthy relationship between each family member.
- Actively listen and refrain from nagging.
Do these and keep them
going during Ramadan.
No comments:
Post a Comment